I Don't Know English

Fiona and I have decided to take a CELTA (Certificate in English Language Teaching to Adults) certification course in Bangkok. It's a monthlong class and we'll be living in Siam Square - right in the middle of the city - for the duration.

The certification itself is administered by The University of Cambridge, which externally assesses each course. What's more, all successful graduates receive a certificate issued by Cambridge so I will soon be a Cambridge alumni. I will still treat you all the same when I return home, but I will secretly think of you as my intellectual inferiors.

That is, of course, assuming I graduate. Judging by the application test, that is not a safe assumption. Due to said test, I have recently come to the realization that I do not know English. And neither, I suspect, do you.

For example, can you tell me what's wrong with the following sentence? And, saying "it's the wrong verb tense" is not enough. Why is it the wrong verb tense and what should it be?

The answer is that the sentence should be “I understand spoken Thai…” The error is that a non-continuous verb is being used in the present continuous tense.

After about 30 minutes of internet research, I finally figured out that with most verbs this would not be a problem. For instance, it is correct to say both “I speak Thai” and “I am speaking Thai”. Continuous verbs (of which “to speak” is one) are usually physical actions which you can see somebody doing. “I am speaking” is in what is known as the continuous tense and it refers to an ongoing action you can see me doing.

However, “to understand” is what is known as a “non-continuous verb”. These verbs are usually things you cannot see somebody doing. Some examples are “to want”, “to love”, “to cost”, “to fear”. Apparently, we use the present tense to describe current conditions for “to understand” because non-continuous verbs cannot be used in the present continuous tense.

News to me.

The test was filled with this stuff. What's the difference between slim and thin? Gone/been? How about many/much/a lot? Why can't you say "My cousin said me the food is good in Bangkok?"

I never really gave it much thought, but English is a really fucked up language. Sentences like "I bought a 32 cent stamp and sent the letter in a scented envelope" are the naked human pyramids of verbal communication. How anyone can learn English as a second language is beyond me. Not to mention teaching it. How that's even possible I'm curious to find out.

Posted by flow Frazao on March 24, 2005 at 07:27 PM in TEFL | Permalink