Tuesday, 15 July 2003

Adaptation

This is a quote from Adaptation:

"Point is, what's so wonderful is that every one of these
flowers has a specific relationship with the insect that pollinates it.
There's a certain orchid look exactly like a certain insect so the
insect is drawn to this flower, its double, its soul mate, and wants
nothing more than to make love to it. And after the insect flies off,
spots another soul-mate flower and makes love to it, thus pollinating
it. And neither the flower nor the insect will ever understand the
significance of their lovemaking. I mean, how could they know that
because of their little dance the world lives? But it does. By simply
doing what they're designed to do, something large and magnificent
happens. In this sense they show us how to live -- how the only
barometer you have is your heart. How, when you spot your flower, you
can't let anything get in your way."

I feel alot of the time that I'm missing something. Like there's this
whole subtext to everything that's happening in my life that I'm always
just missing. I know it's there because sometimes when I'm not dragged
down by the mundane shitty fucking details i notice little things here
and there. Like coincidences. Fortuitous and symbolic happenings that
seem to be almost engineered.
i need to get back to that. i feel like i haven't been paying attention
lately to what's important, and i don't much like the person i'm
becoming. i need to start thinking about things on much higher levels.
sometimes i'm a selfish fuck and it's not particularly attractive.
i remember when i first met fiona i treated it as an experiment. i
decided to see what would happen if, as Cernic said, i truly lived up
to my potential to be an infinite capacity to love. it was by far the
most wonderful time of my life.
i'm going to get back to that. in the past year i've gone through a lot
of changes, but now i'm at a point where i can begin to focus once
again on being the person i know i can be.
I am an infinite capacity to love.

Posted by flow Frazao on July 15, 2003 at 01:49 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

I was just thinking about

I was just thinking about why I can't stop reading about Bush and all the lies and about how everything is all fucked up. what is it? why am i so drawn to this drama? is it just filling up the emptiness in my life? i mean, i think about how when i was travelling i'd literally go for weeks without reading a paper or seeing the news. and i remember not missing it one bit. every now and then i would concsiously note that i didn't miss the news. but seeing as that's what i spend the majority of my day doing, what does that say? i'll spend hours every day sitting in front of my computer waiting for the next tidbit of information to trickle out. i've got to stop this. it's making me mediocre. i know i have the capacity to be interesting and successful and full of life and inspiration, but i have to get off my fat ass first. so what is it that draws me in? this is what i've come to: i look back on my days of travelling, my days of being more me than i've ever been, and i remember a guy who wasn't sucked in by the news or the movies or fucking fantasy baseball or any of that superficial, meaningless drivel. when i had finally shed all my distractions and for the first time was open to the whole expanse of meaning all at once what was it that made its way through to me? what was the one thing that i focused on when my eyes were finally open and i could really see for the first time? at the one moment in time when i was most in tune with the vibrations of the universe Fiona stepped out from the shadows and said: "I've been looking for you."

Posted by flow Frazao on July 15, 2003 at 01:27 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack