I Think I'm Turning Japanese

Our plane took off on July 7 at midnight. Five hours later we landed in Osaka sometime in the year 4039. I have seen the future, and it's name is Japan.

Even the airport is from another dimension. The entire thing is built on a manmade island (which seems to be sinking, much to the consternation of the architects). After we'd gotten our bags and gone through customs we stepped out of the terminal, crossed a short bridge and walked into the train station.

In front of the platform we were faced with an enormous wall of the most intimidating ticket vending machines I've ever seen. Obviously, everything was in Japanese, but there were literally millions of buttons on each machine. There were also LCD screens flashing brightly and quickly, and I simply had no idea what to do. All I knew was that we needed to get to Kyoto.

Luckily, the Japanese are as helpful and friendly as they are futuristic. Within seconds, a tall, immaculately uniformed man was beside us asking us where we needed to go. I told him what our general plan was and he ushered us over to the wall of machines.

As I was being led to an English machine, I looked over at one of the other ticket dispensers and a woman in the process of buying a ticket. All of a sudden, a small window slid open next to the LCD screen and the entire torso of a man popped out and began pushing buttons and speaking in quick Japanese to the woman. He was jutting out of the wall at a 90 degree angle, defying gravity and all of the generally accepted spatial relations laws. The moment the ticket slid out of the machine he disappeared back into the wall. In Japan, this is all completely normal.

We managed to get our tickets and quickly found ourselves on a train to Kyoto (which left at precisely 10:03 - as promised). Obviously, this is all quite a change from the chaos and insanity of Southeast Asia. For the past three months we've been sitting on buses that take 9 hours to go 100 miles, so an air-conditioned train that leaves on time was like something out of a wet dream.

Two hours later we pulled into Kyoto station and followed a flawless set of directions to our hostel. We presented our registration number (!) and passports and checked in with no hassle at all.

After stowing our bags and showering, we decided we had no choice but to go eat sushi. We followed the desk clerk's recommendation and went to a restaurant called "Akido" for lunch.

As soon as we walked in the door we were enthusiastically greeted by a pair of women who spoke to us in what I can only imagine was flawless Japanese. They led us to a booth, next to which ran a conveyor belt of sushi which seemed to be on an endless loop. With no thought to cost or etiquette we began stuffing our faces with all manner of bizarre foodstuffs. Raw squid, strange jellies wrapped in seaweed, enormous chunks of uncooked fish - we ate it all. It was one of the most satisfying meals I've ever had, all for the low, low price of 2,400 yen (~24USD).

When we left, we walked by a tiny sink outside. Not wanting to seem like filthy foreigners, Fiona and I both washed our hands. Next to the sink there was a small machine attached to the wall at waist level. Everything was written in characters, but the pictures seemed to insinuate that it was some type of hand dryer.

In Western countries, the general idea is that with enough hot air and rubbing together, a pair of hands will become dry eventually. Here in the future, there is no need for warm air or friction. You simply insert your hands into the machine and it literally blasts every molecule of water off your skin. After about five seconds, you pull your hands out and they're dry as a bone.

As I'm sure you can imagine, Fiona and I left that restaurant in a state of sublime awe. I was already in love with this country. Then, as we walked down the stairs, I passed a man coming up who had three coins in his ear. I guess that's where the people of the future keep their spare change.

So that was our first four hours in Japan. After two days here, I can say with great conviction that anyone who thinks they've seen everything needs to come to this country. There are things here that are beyond imagination. Take, for example, this square watermelon:

(yes, it's real)

Like I said - I have seen the future, and it's name is Japan.

Oh, and if you think a cubic watermelon is something, you should see the toilets... but that's a different post.

Posted by flow Frazao on July 10, 2005 at 11:12 AM in Japan | Permalink