Checking off the days

Today was a glance into the future of what it could be like when I retire.  So busy, but not really doing anything.  Spending four hours over dinner.  Getting stressed out about returning my library books.  A whole day full, but I didn't really achieve anything.  I know, I'm being too harsh on myself.

Today we bought flights for the three of us to fly to and from Connecticut for Thanksgiving.  Cele feels that she would be up for it, assuming that her side-effects remain the same as they have been.  I'm glad, I couldn't imagine Thanksgiving anywhere else.  And I'm glad that Cele feels she could make it.

Tomorrow begins Yom Kippur, the Jewish New Year, so we have bought a chicken, a red apple, a challi (bread).  Cele has told us how happy she is to have us with her for Yom Kippur, and it makes me good to think we can so easily make her feel joy by being here on her holiday.  And furthermore, she does not need us to go to the synagogue with her for her to feel joy, she just wants us here on the day that we offer remorse for the wrongs we have done over the last year and look to a clean slate ahead.

Speaking of which, I've been feeling a little antsy today about getting something figured out for the future.  I feel it slipping between my fingers and soon it will be but a hopefully dream I once had.  Looking over idealist.org again just reminded me of how difficult what we want to do really is. 

Maybe it'll never come through and I'll be in Century Village for a long time to come yet.  Maybe it's all over already.  Somehow I know that I'm going about it all the wrong way these days, being too logical and methodical about finding something so random and chaotic.